How Do We Tell Our Children I Have Cancer?
Telling my children that I had cancer was one of the hardest things I have ever done. Upon my diagnosis, I was instantly anxious. What is the best way to tell them? How are they going to react? How am I going to make them feel like everything is going to be okay?
For those of you who do not know, my husband, Ben and I have five children...Jake 16, Luke 14, Levi 13, David 11 and Lydia 9. With five different personalities, I was likely going to get five different reactions. As you can imagine, we are busy...very busy! Our children are in three different schools, and at the time, they were on five different soccer teams. And of course, the list and the schedules go on and on. If it wasn't for my iPhone calendar alerts, I am not sure I would know where my children all were at any given moment. So as you can imagine, just finding the best time to sit down and talk about this was a challenge.
Ben and I felt it was important to tell our children right away. It would be way too easy for them to hear it from someone else. And never underestimate children, they generally realize when something is wrong. We found that out when I told our oldest, Jake. He hardly seem surprised, as he said he was already suspicious. We decided to tell him separately because of his age. We felt we could explain things to him in more of an adult language.
We told the other four children together. I was extremely anxious as they came in and sat around the table. I looked at each one of them and said a short prayer in head. I didn't want to add this to their lives. It is so important not to scare them. We took a very strong, matter of fact approach. We explained what cancer was in terms that they would understand. We assured them that cancer was not contagious, and that I was not going to die. We told them that we would keep them informed about what was going on and about any changes. Ben and I wanted to really make sure that the kids realized that we were open to any questions, whenever they had them.
After we explained everything, the four of them all sat quietly for a moment. Suddenly, Levi says, "So, I have a question." I thought...ok this is good! He continues, "Does this mean that I can wear one of those I Love Boobies bracelets to school without getting in trouble?" Suddenly, all four of them bursted into laughter! For a moment, I sat there shocked. This wasn't how I thought this would turn out. Why were they all laughing? But then I realized that they were all somewhat like me. Sometimes the best way to deal with difficult situations, is to throw in a little humor.
We explained to them, that we were going to have to work as a family, and there would be times that this wasn't going to be easy. While we have made attempts at slimming down the amount of activities everyone is involved in, that is really hard to do! I am happy that they have been able to carry on with their lives. We told them that there would be times when I would need help when I don't feel well. They all pitch in. But most importantly, they are not afraid to ask questions. When someone randomly asks a question, we stop what we are doing, and we talk about it.
They also are not afraid to share our story with others. During October, they encouraged others to "Go Pink" and support breast cancer awareness, even raising some money for my Oncologist's research.
I hope none of you ever have to do this. But if you do, remember this...it is so very hard to tell your children bad news, but your children are your strength. They give you the love and support you need to get through each day. They remind you what you are fighting for! And though it isn't the path we would choose for our children, I know that they have grown so much from this. And in the end, I think they will be stronger people because of it.
I am so very proud of how my children!!
My cousin found these helpful links for us before we told the kids. I wanted to include them for you to share with anyone who might be going through a cancer diagnosis.
Family Connections: Talking to Your Kids about Cancer
Helping Children When a Family Member Has Cancer
For those of you who do not know, my husband, Ben and I have five children...Jake 16, Luke 14, Levi 13, David 11 and Lydia 9. With five different personalities, I was likely going to get five different reactions. As you can imagine, we are busy...very busy! Our children are in three different schools, and at the time, they were on five different soccer teams. And of course, the list and the schedules go on and on. If it wasn't for my iPhone calendar alerts, I am not sure I would know where my children all were at any given moment. So as you can imagine, just finding the best time to sit down and talk about this was a challenge.
Ben and I felt it was important to tell our children right away. It would be way too easy for them to hear it from someone else. And never underestimate children, they generally realize when something is wrong. We found that out when I told our oldest, Jake. He hardly seem surprised, as he said he was already suspicious. We decided to tell him separately because of his age. We felt we could explain things to him in more of an adult language.
We told the other four children together. I was extremely anxious as they came in and sat around the table. I looked at each one of them and said a short prayer in head. I didn't want to add this to their lives. It is so important not to scare them. We took a very strong, matter of fact approach. We explained what cancer was in terms that they would understand. We assured them that cancer was not contagious, and that I was not going to die. We told them that we would keep them informed about what was going on and about any changes. Ben and I wanted to really make sure that the kids realized that we were open to any questions, whenever they had them.
After we explained everything, the four of them all sat quietly for a moment. Suddenly, Levi says, "So, I have a question." I thought...ok this is good! He continues, "Does this mean that I can wear one of those I Love Boobies bracelets to school without getting in trouble?" Suddenly, all four of them bursted into laughter! For a moment, I sat there shocked. This wasn't how I thought this would turn out. Why were they all laughing? But then I realized that they were all somewhat like me. Sometimes the best way to deal with difficult situations, is to throw in a little humor.
We explained to them, that we were going to have to work as a family, and there would be times that this wasn't going to be easy. While we have made attempts at slimming down the amount of activities everyone is involved in, that is really hard to do! I am happy that they have been able to carry on with their lives. We told them that there would be times when I would need help when I don't feel well. They all pitch in. But most importantly, they are not afraid to ask questions. When someone randomly asks a question, we stop what we are doing, and we talk about it. They also are not afraid to share our story with others. During October, they encouraged others to "Go Pink" and support breast cancer awareness, even raising some money for my Oncologist's research.
I hope none of you ever have to do this. But if you do, remember this...it is so very hard to tell your children bad news, but your children are your strength. They give you the love and support you need to get through each day. They remind you what you are fighting for! And though it isn't the path we would choose for our children, I know that they have grown so much from this. And in the end, I think they will be stronger people because of it.I am so very proud of how my children!!
My cousin found these helpful links for us before we told the kids. I wanted to include them for you to share with anyone who might be going through a cancer diagnosis.
Family Connections: Talking to Your Kids about Cancer
Helping Children When a Family Member Has Cancer
Your kids are AWESOME!!! hahaha on levi...that sounds like something a boy his age would ask!!!! :)
ReplyDeleteLori, I have read all of your blogs and have followed along your journey. My mom is a breast cancer survivor and I had a scare of my own this past summer, so your story is close to my heart. Thank you for sharing this! ... And I can't wait for the Dirty Girl Mud Run! Should be a fun, inspiring day!
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