365 Days
365 days. They seem to go by a little quicker each year that we get older. So much so that I have often joked that I wondered if by the time you reach your seventies, do you feel like you are Christmas shopping all year long? Usually the 365 days of the year would come and go for me without much thought...often overlooking days at a time just looking forward to the next exciting event.
365 days ago my second oldest son, Luke turned 16 years old, but it was also the day that my oncologist held my hands as she told me my cancer was stage 4 and had metastasized to my bones. It was the day that my life forever changed, as I was forced to face my own mortality at 44 years old. It was the day that I had to change my already hectic crazy schedule to fit in treatments and the following side-effects every three weeks. It was the day that I decided that every single day would have to count now. Every day was a gift. Every day was a blessing. Every day was another day with my husband...another day with my kids...another day to do something good.
At my July visit with my oncologist, she told me it was time to schedule scans for the next visit. The words barely came out of her mouth before scanxiety took over. You see, everything can change in an instant once those scans are read. You teeter-totter between your horrible fears of them finding the cancer has spread and your anxious feelings of relief if they do not see anything new. No matter how hard you try, you are consumed mostly by the fears that could change your life in an instant.
But 365 days later, I am elated to share that my scans showed no new lesions and the existing lesions actually appear to be smaller. This makes the treatments every three weeks worth it! All the exhaustion, the aches, the stomach issues, every little side effect...all more dealable with the gift of time...sweet time.
Moving on to the next 365 days.
Make them count!
365 days ago my second oldest son, Luke turned 16 years old, but it was also the day that my oncologist held my hands as she told me my cancer was stage 4 and had metastasized to my bones. It was the day that my life forever changed, as I was forced to face my own mortality at 44 years old. It was the day that I had to change my already hectic crazy schedule to fit in treatments and the following side-effects every three weeks. It was the day that I decided that every single day would have to count now. Every day was a gift. Every day was a blessing. Every day was another day with my husband...another day with my kids...another day to do something good.
At my July visit with my oncologist, she told me it was time to schedule scans for the next visit. The words barely came out of her mouth before scanxiety took over. You see, everything can change in an instant once those scans are read. You teeter-totter between your horrible fears of them finding the cancer has spread and your anxious feelings of relief if they do not see anything new. No matter how hard you try, you are consumed mostly by the fears that could change your life in an instant.
But 365 days later, I am elated to share that my scans showed no new lesions and the existing lesions actually appear to be smaller. This makes the treatments every three weeks worth it! All the exhaustion, the aches, the stomach issues, every little side effect...all more dealable with the gift of time...sweet time.
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| Happy 17th Birthday Luke! |
Make them count!
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| Watching to sunset in Florida with Jake before he headed off to college. |
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