Thanks for the Mammories....

It was only my second infusion, in early September of 2012.  I was sitting in the infusion center, IV in, and ready to go.  We waited over an hour for the Herceptin to come down from the pharmacy.  I was about to lose my mind.  I felt like I had already been so through much waiting for the radiologist reports, the oncologist visits, the breast surgeon visits.  I was so impatient in that moment, when Becky grabbed my arm and said, "You are going to have to learn to be patient, because this is the way it is in hospitals.  Things don't always run smoothly."  I take myself back to that conversation often, and am proud to say that I have taught myself to be a patient with a lot of patience. Labs need time.  The pharmacy needs to be accurate. Every patient's questions need to be answered. Emergencies happen. All of which create continuous delays throughout the day within the hospital. It may seem unreasonable and that your time is not...

It was 30 months ago that I was diagnosed with Stage 4 Metastatic Breast Cancer. 2 1/2 years.  I cannot even begin to explain to you just how grateful to God that I am here, LIVING, and typing this post. What is strength? What does it look like? What does it feel like?  Can it be measured?  Well, everyone has it but some wonder if some have more of it than others? I think not. Strength is something that everyone has. Strength displays itself in many different ways. Ways that can neither be understood nor explained. Really, it's a mystery. I suppose we store it somewhere within our souls...until we need it. I don't think that anyone necessarily has more than anyone else. I think it is a large spectrum. Some only need to find it every so often, while others must use it to survive. Until I was diagnosed with breast cancer in 2012, I led what I would call, an easy life. I flowed through the motions of life...

Wow...two months have flown by since I lasted posted. It's not that I do not have anything to update.  I guess that I am just not really sure what the update is.  Right now, I am in a scary place that no cancer patient really wants to be.  It is a foggy place where I am running away from progression, enduring the brutality of side effects while searching for that next line of treatment that will clear the path for a while.  When my Kadcyla treatments stopped working in July, I switched to Xeloda which was a chemotherapy pill that I did along side Herceptin infusions.  After two rounds, new scans showed  that this line of treatment was not cutting it.  So now treatments #36, #37, #38 and #39 have been a chemotherapy called Doxil. It looks like Hawaiian Punch going into my veins! My understanding is that it damages the DNA of cancer cells that tells them how to divide. I have been okay with deali...

It was 2008, Luke was 10 and Levi was 9.  One of my older nephews was on the high school soccer team.  Luke and Levi loved playing soccer, and they loved being ball-boys for all of the home high school soccer games.  On October 10, 2008, the high school boys won Sectionals. All four of my boys were ecstatic.  I was overwhelmed with joy by watching the team's excitement as they held their trophy in the air, and could only hope for a day that my boys would be able to do the same.  Luke Levi As I took pictures of the my little ball-boys of the winning game, Luke held the trophy in the air and said..."Some day, I am going to hold my own Sectional trophy!" Eight years later, Luke is a senior, Levi a junior and David a freshman. They had the school's best record of 11-2 heading into Sectionals. We weren't too worried about the first game as we had already beat this team in the regular season.  Luke scored 6 goals, winning 8-2.  Se...

What is Bravery? Dictionary.com says that bravery is an admirable quality of being able to confront frightening things. I think everyone has the capacity to be brave. You are really only confined by the walls that you put up around yourself. Those who may not feel like they are brave, probably have amazing bravery within that maybe they just haven't had to face yet.  I have many people say to me, I don't know how you do it.  You are tougher and braver than I am, or could ever be.  Well that is just silly...I really don't think I am tougher or braver than you or anyone else.  I just have to be.  As you know, this year has been rough.  I had a new breast cancer tumor removed in April.  In July, I started having new pain in my sternum which led to changing my treatment plan.  I was unable to get in the clinical trial I wanted. Meanwhile, two new cancer spots on my ribs began to grow. So I started Xeloda, a c...

So this came in the mail yesterday.  Looks a little scary but boy, was I happy to see it!  It has been more weeks than I would like without a treatment. I was attempting to get in a clinical trial for a new drug; however, I was not able to be accepted right now, so my oncologist and I chose a different line of treatment.  The treatment plan consists of two drugs.  I will be getting a Herceptin infusion every three weeks.  Then I will also be taking Xeloda, these lovely pills in the picture.  I will be taking four after breakfast and four after supper...14 days on, then 7 days off...continuing this for as long as it works.  We will have a scan in about five weeks to make sure it is doing its job! While doing all the necessary scans in applying for the clinical trial, we found two more progressing spots on my ribs. I had a feeling there were new spots because of the new pain that I had been experiencing.  It has...

Sometimes the fog begins to fade, the strings holding the stress slowly loosen. The medicine is working, and the body has adjusted the best it can to the side effects.  Some kind of new normal has gradually settled in, but then suddenly in one long day, you find yourself broken again, trying to find grace in the midst of the next storm.  Cancer has no boundaries.  Cancer takes no consideration of your feelings.  Cancer takes on your strength as it opponent.  Cancer has challenged me for four years now.  It has challenged my body with treatments and surgeries that have left me to continue to rebuild a body that is broken. It has challenged my emotions, taking me to dark places of brokenness that only God and the love of my husband, kids, family and friends can pull me out of.   It has challenged my feelings as I have learned of the new cancer diagnoses of two friends and mourned the lo...