How to Prepare for a Mammogram

Maxine says...
For me, the ability to laugh at something is really the best way to get my anxiety off my chest. So when I found this, I knew I had to post it.  Now listen to me...a mammogram is NOT as horrible as this makes it sound. I promise! But nonetheless, I recommend reading this right before your next mammogram.  Then hopefully, right in the middle of having it done, these exercises will pop into your head and make you start laughing. 

HOW TO PREPARE FOR A MAMMOGRAM
 Many women are afraid of their first mammogram, and even if they have had them before, there is fear. But there is no need to worry. By taking a few minutes each day for a week preceding the exam and doing the following practice exercises, you will be totally prepared for the test, and best of all, you can do these simple practice exercises right in your home.
EXERCISE 1: Open your refrigerator door, and insert one breast between the door and the main box. Have one of your strongest friends slam the door shut as hard as possible and lean on the door for good measure. Hold that position for five seconds. Repeat (just in case the first time wasn't effective).
EXERCISE 2: Visit your garage at 3 a.m. when the temperature of the cement floor is just perfect. Take off all your clothes and lie comfortably on the floor sideways with one breast wedged under the rear tire of the car. Ask a friend to slowly back the car up until your breast is sufficiently flattened and chilled. Switch sides, and repeat for the other breast.
EXERCISE 3: Freeze two metal bookends overnight. Strip to the waist. Invite a stranger into the room. Have the stranger press the bookends against either side of one of your breasts and smash the bookends together as hard as he/she can. Set an appointment with the stranger to meet next year to do it again. You are now properly prepared!
(Thanks to HysterSisters.com)

Remember my friends...step one is to schedule the mammogram.  Just contact me if you have questions!

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Bravery in the Moments of Brokenness

Image
What is Bravery? Dictionary.com says that bravery is an admirable quality of being able to confront frightening things. I think everyone has the capacity to be brave. You are really only confined by the walls that you put up around yourself. Those who may not feel like they are brave, probably have amazing bravery within that maybe they just haven't had to face yet.  I have many people say to me, I don't know how you do it.  You are tougher and braver than I am, or could ever be.  Well that is just silly...I really don't think I am tougher or braver than you or anyone else.  I just have to be.  As you know, this year has been rough.  I had a new breast cancer tumor removed in April.  In July, I started having new pain in my sternum which led to changing my treatment plan.  I was unable to get in the clinical trial I wanted. Meanwhile, two new cancer spots on my ribs began to grow. So I started Xeloda, a chemo in pill form along with Herceptin treatments. I thought a lo
Read more

Starting Chemo...The Search for Miss Wiggly

Image
I believe that waiting to see if, when and how much of my hair is going to fall out is kind of like Ben and my boys (who are loyal Purdue fans) waiting to see if Indiana University will win the National Tournament or just how far they will go.  I am not going to lie to you, the thought of losing my hair sickens me. But I have a new friend, Miss Wiggly.  She is quietly waiting on her stand in my bedroom to keep her fluffed and beautiful.  I have asked her not to stare much at me right now when I walk into the room.  Our bond isn't that strong yet...we just met a week ago. And there is always that chance that I may not even need her. You see, my hair loss is unpredictable.  They say that I could lose a little hair, a few clumps of hair, or possibly... probably all of it. I started my first of twelve weekly Taxol chemo treatments on March 7.  My friend Becky went with me.  God love her, she was trying to help me deal with the thoughts of losing my hair.  I told her that I would
Read more

The Mystery of Strength

It was 30 months ago that I was diagnosed with Stage 4 Metastatic Breast Cancer. 2 1/2 years.  I cannot even begin to explain to you just how grateful to God that I am here, LIVING, and typing this post. What is strength? What does it look like? What does it feel like?  Can it be measured?  Well, everyone has it but some wonder if some have more of it than others? I think not. Strength is something that everyone has. Strength displays itself in many different ways. Ways that can neither be understood nor explained. Really, it's a mystery. I suppose we store it somewhere within our souls...until we need it. I don't think that anyone necessarily has more than anyone else. I think it is a large spectrum. Some only need to find it every so often, while others must use it to survive. Until I was diagnosed with breast cancer in 2012, I led what I would call, an easy life. I flowed through the motions of life and things always seemed to work out like it should for me.  I always
Read more