The Second Smashing
I went to get my 6 month follow-up mammogram on July 30th. Did I have time? Of course not! We have already been through this... no one has time or the desire. I scheduled it over my lunch hour because I figured I could be in and out in maybe 30 minutes. I thought I was simply creating a baseline mammogram because surely the calcifications would look the same as they did before, right? What I didn't know was that I would be there for the next two and a half hours and walk out truly concerned that I might have cancer.
We quickly did the drill...smash, picture, smash, picture, smash, picture. Really no big deal. This was my second time, and I was a pro at this. But then, she said that she would have the radiologist take a look at the images, and she would be right back. What?
Now I am not very good with surprises. I am the child who snuck into my parents closet to see if I could find my Christmas presents! I even went as far as trying to open wrapped presents just enough to see what they were and tape them back shut. So what did I do? Exactly! As soon as the door closed, I snuck over to look at my images on the screen. I knew what the calcifications looked like on the last mammogram images, so I knew what I was quickly looking for. But what I saw made my stomach drop to the floor. There were definitely more calcifications. There was definitely something wrong. So I ran back over to my seat and waited for her to return.
The radiologist wanted to do an ultrasound. Would right now be okay? Well, No! I am on my lunch hour. I can't stay! I don't want to stay! But...I stayed. I had to wait for about 20 minutes. The Summer Olympic Games were on in the waiting area. Whenever I am anxious or nervous, I often find that humor is helpful. I told the woman sitting next to me about how my husband hears the Olympics results on the radio each day, and then loves to spill the beans and ruin it for me at night. We laugh about it, but she seems nervous too.
The ultrasound took a while. I was certain she had taken at least a hundred images. My numb arm was certain of it too, as I had to hold it over my head the whole time! Now the radiologist had to look at the images. It seemed like forever laying there in this dark room by myself, waiting and waiting. This is one of the worst anxieties I have been through. You lay there fighting any bad thoughts you have. Pushing each one away as it comes. What if I have a lump? Push away! What if I have cancer? PUSH AWAY! Why is it taking so long? What if? What if? Push away, push away.
Finally, the radiologist came in. She showed me images of a lump. She said it was a small lump, but it was still a lump that wasn't there 6 months ago! She explained that I needed to be scheduled for two biopsys. One for the lump and one for the branching calcifications. The earliest they could schedule it was in 4 days in Noblesville. Wait that's Friday!? I told them that there was no way I could do it on Friday! I was having 100+ people at my house on Saturday for a family reunion. I had taken Friday off work to get my house clean and get everything ready. Couldn't we just schedule it for Monday? She just looked at me and said, "I think you should keep this appointment on Friday." Big sigh! This could not be good!
We quickly did the drill...smash, picture, smash, picture, smash, picture. Really no big deal. This was my second time, and I was a pro at this. But then, she said that she would have the radiologist take a look at the images, and she would be right back. What?
Now I am not very good with surprises. I am the child who snuck into my parents closet to see if I could find my Christmas presents! I even went as far as trying to open wrapped presents just enough to see what they were and tape them back shut. So what did I do? Exactly! As soon as the door closed, I snuck over to look at my images on the screen. I knew what the calcifications looked like on the last mammogram images, so I knew what I was quickly looking for. But what I saw made my stomach drop to the floor. There were definitely more calcifications. There was definitely something wrong. So I ran back over to my seat and waited for her to return.
The radiologist wanted to do an ultrasound. Would right now be okay? Well, No! I am on my lunch hour. I can't stay! I don't want to stay! But...I stayed. I had to wait for about 20 minutes. The Summer Olympic Games were on in the waiting area. Whenever I am anxious or nervous, I often find that humor is helpful. I told the woman sitting next to me about how my husband hears the Olympics results on the radio each day, and then loves to spill the beans and ruin it for me at night. We laugh about it, but she seems nervous too.
The ultrasound took a while. I was certain she had taken at least a hundred images. My numb arm was certain of it too, as I had to hold it over my head the whole time! Now the radiologist had to look at the images. It seemed like forever laying there in this dark room by myself, waiting and waiting. This is one of the worst anxieties I have been through. You lay there fighting any bad thoughts you have. Pushing each one away as it comes. What if I have a lump? Push away! What if I have cancer? PUSH AWAY! Why is it taking so long? What if? What if? Push away, push away.
Finally, the radiologist came in. She showed me images of a lump. She said it was a small lump, but it was still a lump that wasn't there 6 months ago! She explained that I needed to be scheduled for two biopsys. One for the lump and one for the branching calcifications. The earliest they could schedule it was in 4 days in Noblesville. Wait that's Friday!? I told them that there was no way I could do it on Friday! I was having 100+ people at my house on Saturday for a family reunion. I had taken Friday off work to get my house clean and get everything ready. Couldn't we just schedule it for Monday? She just looked at me and said, "I think you should keep this appointment on Friday." Big sigh! This could not be good!
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