Their Youth is Ours

My Stage 4 METS Sisters with their beautiful children

     My phone rang around 10:00 am on a cold January morning. I was home, sitting in my recliner, feeling miserable from the Kadcyla infusion I had the day before.  The caller ID showed the school.  I guessed that one of my kids must be sick.  However, when I answered, it was my daughter.  With a panicked tone to her voice, she was checking to see if I was okay.  She thought she had seen my car pull into the hospital while she was sitting in class.  After I assured her I was home and fine, I hung up the phone, completely devastated.      You see, when we are broken, our children are broken too. But their youth if ours, so we try to keep their lives as normal as possible. We continue to give them the best that we can. Life as they knew it will never be the same because cancer is now a part of their story. Our illness is an everyday fact of their lives. 
    

      There is no manual to help us guide our children through this. So we stumble through the hard days, the difficult discussions, and the unanswerable questions. There is no right way or any kind of clear path to walk with our children. Our only choice is to walk along beside them, gripping their hands tightly.
     You fear...have we shared too much with them?  Have we not shared enough with them?  There is a fine line each family going through this must learn to navigate.  It's never easy.

     When we talk about my Stage 4 Cancer, we have to carefully consider each child's unique way understanding. Their ages, as well as maturity levels,

affect what information they can understand and handle.  We do not want them to be afraid and live with worry...but we cannot spare them from the truth. We need them to trust us, that we will be always truthful with them.
      Children are usually keen to changes and stress in their surroundings. They know something is wrong, even if they are not quite sure what it is. They will listen to conversations seeking information. Older children will likely to take pieces of what they know and search the internet for answers...answers that will most likely not be the truths.
     The truths are hard. And children worry, so as we share the truths, we try to hide our fear. They need to know what to expect. They ask difficult questions that breaks your heart to answer. I have promised my children that I will let them know when there are changes...and when my situation might take a turn for the worse.
    

I now have friendships with many women with Stage 4 Breast Cancer. Cancer has ripped the rug to our futures out from underneath us. No matter what stage of life we are in, we all are struggling with this. Mary dreams of watching her children raise her grandchildren, while Leanne just dreams of seeing her children get married and meeting her grandchildren.  Carla dreams of seeing her children graduate from high school while Shelly just dreams of seeing her children through elementary school.  Holly dreamed of celebrating her son's 5th birthday with him, while Jenny dreamed of just being able to have a child.

  Please pray for our children. Cancer has clouded the images of their future.  They long for normal lives...days where they don't have to see Mom sick, days where they don't have to worry about if cancer will steal her away from them, days where they don't have to worry about if a cure will be found.  Pray that they will be able to share their pain and fears with others...but most of all, pray that they will be able to find peace.

These are my heroes and their youth is mine.  They bring me joy, hope, and laughter each and every day.  I pray that my cancer can teach them more about LIFE than it does about death.  Pray for me, my husband, and my friends...that we may have the strength that it takes as a mothers and fathers to give our children the peace they need.